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avatar incredibleinkpen 12 day.ago

"I want to learn some words that will help me to speak with elegance," I told my teacher.

"One ought to," she replied. "I was thinking way more than that," I said.

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funny dad jokes

funny dad jokes
1. Thought I'd better get out and mow the grass.

I figured it's only getting lawnger.

2. What do you call a person who has significantly more plants than the average person?

A hoarderculturist!

3. I got a flat tire today.

Luckily it was one of my bad tires.

4. Grandad.

A little girl was usually driven to school by her grandad but one day he was ill so her grandma took her instead. That evening her parents asked her how the journey was. “It was very different”, she said. “How's that”, they asked. “Well”, she said, “during the whole journey we didn't see a single tosser, blind idiot, stupid bastard or wanker”.

5. What does every Tickle-Me-Elmo get before it leaves the factory?

Two Test Tickles.

6. I won the Tour De France but got disqualified for performance enhancements.

Officials said that Harley's aren't fair.

7. Why don't religious couples ever do roleplay?

Because every time someone says "Oh God," the other starts praying instead of playing.

8. How does a cop catch a meth dealer?

He sets a speed trap.

9. What's the difference between an electric chair and an electric wheelchair

An electric wheelchair helps disabled people, and an electric chair helps disable people.

10. Why do ducks have tail feathers?

To cover their butt-quack.

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